stressful day 1 June 11, 2008
Posted by doodledscribble in Online Journal.add a comment
Philippine Independence Day pala ngayon. 
Happy Independence Day
Alot had happened for the past few weeks ever since Cosme had devastated alot of homes here in Dagupan. It was also the turning point where we saw the real faces of the people around us. (Gosh)! By the way, this is Day 1 of my online journal here WP. Only a few would be able to read it (buti naman). Pero kung may makabasa eh ‘care ko na?’… I want to make this place as open as possible. Me being able to express everything how i feel toward them, towards life. Ay nako! Hoping someday, our turn will come.
Quote for the day: What Goes Around, Comes Around
THE HEART OF THE MATTER (India.Arie) June 11, 2008
Posted by doodledscribble in Music & Lyrics.1 comment so far
Sex and The City Movie Soundtrack
(Originally by Don Henley)
I got the call today, I didn’t wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin’ on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love’s open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?
I’ve been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning them again
I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore
These times are so uncertain
There’s a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They’re the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work they put between us,
You know it doesn’t keep us warm
I’ve been trying to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
The more I know, the less I understand
And all the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my heart is so shattered
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore
All the people in your life who’ve come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carrin’ that anger, it’ll eat you up inside
I wanna be happily everafter
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore
I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I’m thinkin’ about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don’t love me anymore
Even if you don’t love me anymore
Something from Harry Potter… June 10, 2008
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THINGS WE LOSE HAVE A WAY OF COMING BACK TO US IN THE END,
IF NOT ALWAYS IN THE WAY WE EXPECT
(Luna Lovegood,5th year Gryffindor)
Me, Him…On Top of the World June 9, 2008
Posted by doodledscribble in Essays.add a comment
All I thought that was life was just going to be in just one static flow. From the the different experiences you have encountered, faced and overcame, it’s just like a matter of asking yourself, would there be that someone who would shed you from the pouring rains of life? So many questions in so little time. Some would say that its just a part but what other people don’t see that standing on both feet without anyone to back you up is a very very painful realization.
Everything was different. There is hurt, so much pain but where was I? Where was he? It all changed when he came into my life when every thing at mess became so arranged. You can not even imagine the driving force when two individuals cross paths better yet if they’re bounded by Destiny to cross paths along their respective ways. But is it? Are we?
It all changed when i met him. When I look into his eyes, it gives me the feeling of warmth and comfort in within his hands, that everything’s okay and he’ll be there when you fall, which he was. From the whisps of sadness, he brought me joy, warmth, care, and love where no one did. He helped me along the way answering every riddles and questions that has been bothering me all my life since I got here. He became my best friend I never had. An angel who stood by my side without even telling him to be. A pure heart longing for a pure heart is who he is. An angel sent from above…
Viewing life in its very own perspectives defies both points where the two of us stand for. Intellectual differences did not matter to him but as long as we’re together, we’re inseperable. He says that ” the heart counts far more better of what we think. It is also not a matter of physicality, but a matter of emotions and feeling for the person you want to be with…and its also here… just right here (pointing into his heart)… this is what matters most… its US, together on top of the world. We may have stepped on against certain rules but the mere fact that you didnot stepped on to anyone is what makes this bond good and true…” He’s a quite bundle of joy aint he?
Life is a road where you want to keep going. Life is river that you want to keep flowing. A simple phrase for a simple thought for the heart. This is what keeps the heart and mind revolving together. It’s a matter of choice, strength to meet and face life’s necessities altogether hand in hand with the person you love. You’ll be each other’s strengths. Your intention and your love are the sole menders of a broken emotional integrity, menders of a broken heart.
A sudden twist of fate, some may consider. But the intentions of two people is what makes them bonded together. This is what binds me to him. He mended so much into my life where gratitude is the least I can say to him. I thank him so much for giving me the lost moments I’ve been looking for such a long time. We may have certain differences but he himself sets them aside for us to be together, for us to be okay, on top of this very glorious world. A bundle of joy is what who is for me. I’ll do everything to keep him here… deep in my heart, making him proud, because I love him dearly.
All I thought that was life was just going to be in just one static flow. From the the different experiences you have encountered, faced and overcame, it’s just like a matter of asking yourself, would there be that someone who would shed you from the pouring rains of life?…Yes he was there. And so is the one who meant for you….
I Love You Jabs!
Right Now.. June 9, 2008
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I’ve been living my life with life itself with a heavy burden in my heart. Such burden denominated with fear, and unreadiness. Is this one of life’s ways in presenting its predicament? Its hard, hurting and painful. Whenever i see them hiding the pain, my heart aches. Seeing them soundly asleep, i bombard myself with thoughts, how can i make them happy, how can i erase, shift these burdening feelings out of their heart, and out of their tired minds. How i wish in some way, i can make them happy. Seeing them smile each day, seeing them doing okay, happy, completes the aching me..
The Point of Moving On June 9, 2008
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Maybe a lot or the majority would agree that time has this punching factor in the process of moving on? But why does other people still has this feeling of incompleteness, sometimes a feeling of uncontentment. And with that we are forced to take risky measures for us to really say that we already have forgotten that person. Acceptance is a point in life where you lower your shields and say i give up, no matter to what extent. But as time continues to flow, the real adversity kicks in, giving us the harder and more painful realization if whether or not we already have accepted the fact that they’re over in our lives, that they are already closed chapters in each and everyone’s book. Time can only tell each and everyone’s destination, your journey toward the real point of acceptance, and with that moment, when all your shields are down, tears flowing in your eyes, you can say, “Okay na ako, tapos na… “
A memory of lessons, a memory of realization of who you are, of who we are, and what life and in this world is all about…
(REPOST)
TO SOMEONE I KNOW June 9, 2008
Posted by doodledscribble in Scribbles.add a comment
Repost
Disclaimer:
This is short story of a stupid me.
This is something i kept from “him”
It all started with just one glance. I just got home from school that day when I saw him with my cousin talking in our very old swing.
At first I did not gave any attention to whoever that person that my cousin was with. When I got into the dining area to have my lunch, my mama told me to call them and eat lunch with me as well. And I did, but he was too shy to come in. I didn’t know that there was something going on with the two of them (It was so kilig!).
After a month or so, my cousin had invited me to sleep over at their place not knowing that that guy was going to spend the night with me. The usual shyness and the stuff, yeah, there were those. I can’t do anything so I made the first move. With the usual hi and hello, that started our friendship and that hidden feeling that made me feel so wrong whenever I thought of it. I kept on blabbering and blabbering that entire night. But I felt something wrong went I went to sleep. I had a dream that night, when I woke up with tears in my eyes. I saw him, and I saw myself, but I ignored that. When I got out of the room, I had joined them in the dining area to have my rice-pandesal-cured-ham meal, ‘twas the moment they had dropped the bomb right in front of me. Something inside of me felt crushed. I wanted to go home right that instant. I just don’t want to see the guy again. I know that this is a mistake for liking someone not meant to be touch by someone like me.
We became good friends and he became a very good lover/partner of my cousin. He had a car, but that wasn’t the thing that made us liked him. I wanted to run off. I wanted to get away from the grips of envy and jealousy that I always feel for them knowing that one day, what had happened once, will happen again (which it did). Whenever I visit my aunt and cousin, he was there. And most of the time when I go home, I walk, just to be able to talk to myself and project things that I’m not supposed to do or to be thinking. I had to stay away. I had to give them space or else I’ll get hurt. Whenever I neither see him smiling or just to hear his words, he lifts my spirit up, making me feel not alone. But I was wrong, very wrong. I wanted to scream out every hurt and pain. All I curse about is for me desensitize myself from all of these. I just could not accept me, falling for that person, me, having attached to someone who belongs to someone else’s.
For all the special times, for the things he shared, he secretly did not know that he changed my life. He was the source of my happiness, my inspiration, and my love, which I could not share because in the very first place, I didn’t have the right. Being far away, I just don’t want to think that I’m the reason for them to be in their separated paths; then came the time that they told me they weren’t anymore together. My cousin came to me for advises. She was saddened and got too depressed for what had happened. For so long, I tried to communicate with him. (As I can remember, he was not fond of doing/sending/composing emotional text messages, if not only for cousin, or to his other best friend.). He made a pact with me promising that no matter happens, nothing can change our friendship, nothing can ever change the relationship that we had even the level is not that deep. Who would not even forget those first tears, for the memories we shared, for those billiard lessons, and for so many things. I’ve sent dozens of messages to that person and neither not one message was returned as a reply. I was saddened, got depressed too … I just don’t know what to define if he had forgotten it, or he just made a stupid me believe someone like him.
According to my cousin, he’s having his review in the upcoming board exams. And sometimes, she tells me that he have been asking how I am. But lots of questions have been bothering me whether or not his sincerity was also shared to me. I just don’t know now the difference between the reality and fantasy. Lots of questions, if he truly misses me even if as a friend, he should’ve gave me neither even just one note, nor one text message but there was none. He even deleted all the testimonials I made for him. Every pain afflicted, I wept for it. He just kept unfulfilled promises and he only did treasured one person that I was just a mistake. And me, having that emotions pent up for a reason, making me deliriously concludes what a stupid jerk I am for falling for that person.
Things will never be the same again.
For so many things, how I wish I could’ve just told him… He should’ve not just befriended me in the first place. If only he knows.
I don’t know where our story would end for I don’t know what lies ahead for me. But I can only say one thing for them, that they find their happiness altogether not missing life at its greatest peaks.
To that special someone..
From Now & Then June 9, 2008
Posted by doodledscribble in Friendships.add a comment
(Repost)
Disclaimer:
This is my very first blog. i hope u guys understand every thought that i want to impart. Wanna share the great things that real friendships can make and give to us.
we all started as simple friends. we havent got any idea what will happen as soon as we started this friendship. A friendship that was made of sincerity, camaraderie, understanding and love. it may have conversations so small and minor, yet the value of each word we have said to each other was tender, true and forever; “hehehe” now and then.
…high school life was considered to be the most fun or enjoyable sect of one’s life. (pun intended…”hell yeah”, and “ahemm, hell no”). the value of each and everyone’s laughter seem to surround the halls that we have been with since the school year 1999 had started. it was great (better were the days), and sometimes, it was bad (thinking we’re all goners). we all had and have lives of our own, own friends, own culture, and yet that little friendship of ours seems to hover up from the different struggles and fugitive wars the halls and corridors have silently witnessed; and as we move on and reach the depths of the real world, we stood their at the gates of the real world holding each others’ hand tightly gazing, secretly i have asked myself,”will we be able to survive?”…
as we have entered the great gates, i was uncertain, doubtful. all of the good memories, will it happen again?..hmm.. the beginning of our college lives seemingly have brought and open new friendships which we hadnt got any idea to be growing. but the real fact of us being distant from each other have not affected us 100%, though there are sometimes that we do have this little fights,(“tampuhan”) and the likes, we make it sure that we really fix it…(“ah ewan!”hehhe”)…as for time management, we all have “time” in our palms of our hands.
we had and still have a great time being together. great moments, i say. moments that one may treasure for the rest of his life. this friendship of ours open not only our minds but also our hearts. it seemed to distinguish and reliquish some thoughts about friendship. that when one’s friendship is open and growing, the more lessons you would see, learn and realize…
right now, entering on our third year of our college degrees that we independently have chosen, we are now setting pace actually the path that we would soon be towards our very own futures. though there is fear, we are 100% sure that we have each other. we are who we are since the very first day we said hello and goodbye in our first and second chapters of our lives. we may have cultural differences but we are one by hearts. we may have different perceptions and ways on how to live our very own lives, but we also create a very common link that would unite us all. this is our friendship, now and then…
as i what ive latter asked to myself, “WILL WE ABLE TO SURVIVE?, there’s only one answer to that, “YEAH” with God’s grace and blessings we will. We’ll be holding each others’ hands as we walk and fight the barriers and the many foes that we would be encountering to survive. With each other, we will survive…
What I’ve Learned About Friendships:
Friendship is not just a matter of time but by faith, trust, and understanding. we all live in the world of imperfections, though we all try to make it perfect and be perfect for the world to see but in due time we wil be able to reach it; but just not forget where you came from and the people who helped u reach the status you want to be and what you have almost longed for your entire life.
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The secrets of life are only revealed with the people who you consider as true and real friends…
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That real guidance of life and the light of life is shone by the only people we care most…our second family…our friends…
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That real care is not from just from intimate partners, but from the people who care for us, the people who truly understands us…
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That the future beholds whatever it is, that your friendship with their’s is forever and true…
MY THANK YOU’s
I want to thank you the following people for making me see and have the real meaning and the real thought and value of true friendship.
–MaF!–> for letting me feel that God is their for me, my best friend…and for accepting for who i am, for helping me ease my mind with the stuggles and fights of my life… letting me see how life is supposed to be…
–iCe!–> for helping me overcome so much fears, helping me realize and see my flaws, for accepting me)
-rona!–> for helping me feel, see and realize the things that i want to do in my life, for being their for me, listening, laughing, for helping me enhance my English… hehehe…for the different trips that we have gone to (quiapo any1?)hehhe..
-cuks!–> for accepting me, laughing with me, helping me realize that we all have chances for others, for being frank in front of us, lalo na when we were in high school., for giving me the the chance to know you and be your friend… (forevr)
–ysa!–> for laughing with me, sharing your giggles, your hi’s and hello’s (God, i truly miss u guys)… for accepting me for being who i am. for being my friend, for being “Yza”…thank you for you for understanding…”Yzza”…
–art!–> for letting me realize how cool you are, how good and true. for understanding and seeing what my capacities and capabilities are. God is good art.
–nel!–> for acceptance, love, and for being my inspiration. i admit i did like and love you until now, i really sure miss you. you do hang there ok, kaya mo yan…thanx for our friendship, forever na to ha…
–val!–> for letting me see the real you. knowing the real you., for accepting me. for not throwing me out of your heart., thank you for our endearing friendship…
of course, i also wouldn’t forget the people who helped me realize and be inspired more on life, friendship and love. God is good. really good. I know He wont let anything bad happen to all of us. it is on us now on how are we goin to be build our own future. the past is a factor for our future, but it would be used as a base for our future, it is just a guide on how are we goin to start and build a very firm and a very well future…
–> for mac, daisy, buloy, gerad, cheng, ada, kris, cherish, aileen, adolf, desiree, gent, van, ness, friel, ana, bev, weng… thank you guyz…
i hope we could see each others again at the same place where we used to hang out. an expresso cafe or something more better… it will happen again ryt?…our friendship does not just end here. life is a journey along with my friends…you guys!…this is not the end…this is only the beginning of a new life, the beginning pages of the third chapter of our lives…
see you again soon…
funkywhite signing off.
